{"id":5434,"date":"2025-11-14T15:20:16","date_gmt":"2025-11-14T15:20:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/?p=5434"},"modified":"2026-05-08T18:03:11","modified_gmt":"2026-05-08T18:03:11","slug":"financial-secret-keeping","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/financial-secret-keeping\/","title":{"rendered":"Financial Secret Keeping"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><em>Reviewed by <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/author\/nastle\/\"><em>Nathan Astle<\/em><\/a><em>, CFT-I\u2122<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Each week, our financial therapists, Dr. Erika Rasure and Nathan Astle, host a new client financial wellness session on a salient topic. Recently, our experts spoke on something that comes up a lot for our clients \u2014 keeping financial secrets, a topic Astle has addressed in one of his regular <a href=\"http:\/\/psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/the-psychology-of-debt\/202406\/the-loud-problem-of-keeping-financial-secrets\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Psychology Today features<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We\u2019re sharing direct quotes from this session so you can look at your own situation and \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Understand the difference between privacy and secrecy<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>How to have tough conversations about finances<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Why opening up (even a little) can help you feel less alone<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Honesty, Safety, and Finding the Right Words<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Dr. Erika Rasure opened the session:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cFinancial secret keeping is a very big and important topic \u2014 sometimes we keep secrets without knowing necessarily that we\u2019re keeping secrets\u2026 We\u2019re going to talk about the differences between secrecy and privacy and really start to define what those secrets are.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Before definitions, she named the relationships where this matters most:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cTo me it\u2019s keeping things from people that we have intimate relationships with\u2026 it could be things like hiding your credit card spending or having hidden debt\u2026 or lying by omission and not sharing important information.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>What Financial Secret Keeping Looks Like<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Astle emphasized that secrecy wears many faces:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cFinancial secret keeping doesn\u2019t just look like one thing\u2026 maybe I lied about how much something cost or I hid receipts\u2026 Either way, I\u2019m purposely trying to keep things from that person.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s also emotionally heavy:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cThis is a heavier subject, because secret keeping often comes with a lot of shame, or a lot of guilt. Secret keeping tends to keep us really isolated, and it tends to lead to significant shame. And as we know, shame thrives in that isolation.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So what\u2019s the ideal?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cWe value you being able to have relationships where you are honest and open\u2026 where honesty about money is a safe thing\u2026 all of us deserve those honest relationships.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Astle also noted that what transparency looks like depends on your relationship:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cIt requires a certain amount of financial transparency. However, you and I can\u2019t decide what that is for other people. I don\u2019t know what everyone\u2019s individual relationships are like.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Secrecy, Privacy, and Emotional Safety<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Dr. Rasure circled back to the foundation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cWhen we have intimate relationships, it is so key to build that foundation of trust, that foundation of shared goals. And when we\u2019re keeping secrets from our loved ones, it does erode that emotional safety.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Why do people hide financial truths, like being in the Beyond Finance program?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cA lot of it has to do with fear of being judged\u2026 Some don\u2019t want to share that they\u2019re on this debt journey because they worry someone might judge them: \u2018How could you find yourself in this situation?\u2019\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But she emphasized that support matters:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cWhat we do know is any support you have can really help you emotionally during your debt journey\u2026 it helps you resolve those trust issues and also allows this opportunity to create even a deeper sense of trust or intimacy when you can be vulnerable and share your authentic self.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you\u2019re not ready to disclose everything, you can still speak truth and set boundaries:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cOne of the things Nate and I recommend is sharing that you\u2019re making financial progress\u2026 You are doing what you need to do to make yourself a priority. That is not a financial secret \u2014 it puts you in a position where you can set a boundary that you\u2019re comfortable with.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Scripts That Make Sharing Safer<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Astle offered a practical way to invite someone in, without asking them to fix anything:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201c\u2018Hey, partner, friend, sister. I need some support and I need to tell you about something. What I really need from you now is just to listen as best you can\u2026 some emotional support, some hugs.\u2019\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Setting expectations like that can help others respond in a way that you need. You can also alter more expensive traditions without oversharing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cMaybe I usually throw a Halloween party and I still want to do that, but it\u2019s going to be more like potluck style so that I can save a little bit.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, you can reframe the way you think about sharing information:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cI like the idea of framing it like I\u2019m inviting someone into a part of my life so that I can be less alone in it, because a problem shared is a problem halved.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>You\u2019re Not the Only One<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Dr. Rasure spoke to the loneliness many feel:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cWe don\u2019t talk about money when things are good. So why would we talk about it when it\u2019s not so good? Being in debt can be a very isolating experience.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And she named the tough, human scenarios people carry in silence:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cMaybe you were the victim of a romance scam or you\u2019ve had a bit of an overspending issue and you\u2019ve been keeping that from your partner\u2026 You might worry they\u2019ll blow up. We can\u2019t necessarily control somebody else\u2019s reactions, but what we can do is be thoughtful and intentional in the way we invite them into our world.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Her reminder about self-trust is simple and powerful:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cYou <\/em>do<em> know what\u2019s best. And it takes a little bit of work to start trusting yourself to be able to do hard things\u2026 If you look back on all of the hard things you\u2019ve overcome, you have a 100% success rate.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And finally, about support:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cNothing is \u2018stupid.\u2019 Nothing is \u2018dumb.\u2019 We\u2019re all humans walking this journey. We\u2019re not doing it alone.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Closing Thought<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Financial secrets grow in the dark. Privacy is your right; secrecy is what shrinks your world. As Astle put it:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cAll of us deserve honest relationships.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And as Dr. Rasure encouraged:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cYou are making financial progress and you can set a boundary that you\u2019re comfortable with.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you\u2019re ready, invite someone into your financial life \u2014 on your terms \u2014 so you don\u2019t have to carry it alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Learn the difference between privacy and secrecy, how to have tough but important conversations about finances, and why opening up can help you feel less alone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":5435,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[167],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5434","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-and-money"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.1.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Financial Secret Keeping - Beyond Finance<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Learn the difference between privacy and secrecy, how to have tough conversations about finances, and why opening up can help you feel less alone.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/financial-secret-keeping\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Financial Secret Keeping - Beyond Finance\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Learn the difference between privacy and secrecy, how to have tough conversations about finances, and why opening up can help you feel less alone.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/financial-secret-keeping\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Beyond Finance\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-11-14T15:20:16+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-05-08T18:03:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/Financial_Secrets.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1536\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"863\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Stella Martin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Stella Martin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/financial-secret-keeping\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/financial-secret-keeping\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Stella Martin\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/024257f55492e1915da34c62cb983536\"},\"headline\":\"Financial Secret Keeping\",\"datePublished\":\"2025-11-14T15:20:16+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-05-08T18:03:11+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/financial-secret-keeping\/\"},\"wordCount\":1028,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/financial-secret-keeping\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.beyondfinance.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/Financial_Secrets.png\",\"articleSection\":[\"Your Family &amp; 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