Love, Money, and Relationships

This article was originally published in Psychology Today on February 20, 2025. Nathan Astle is a monthly contributor to Psychology Today.

Turn financial conversations into opportunities for relationship growth.

Money can be one of the most significant sources of stress in a romantic relationship, yet it’s often a subject couples avoid discussing. Whether it’s due to fear of judgment, shame, or discomfort, many couples struggle to have open conversations about finances. Avoiding the topic can allow tension to build and can strain the relationship further. Financial conflict is not only a predictor of divorce, but it also impacts how close or disconnected we feel from our partner. When couples tackle these conversations with honesty, they can turn their financial struggles into an opportunity for deeper connection.

The Power of Financial Intimacy

Although 43 percent of married couples reported that they can handle financial disagreements in a recent Beyond Finance survey, communicating with honesty is the foundation of any financial conversation. Just like other forms of intimacy, financial intimacy requires vulnerability and trust. Sharing your history with money or your “money story,” financial values, and even spending habits can strengthen your relationship. When you understand each other’s financial histories, priorities, and stressors, it can foster empathy and collaboration.

The reality is that people don’t always view money the same way. Couples may come from different backgrounds, each with unique expectations and approaches to finances. How couples bridge those differences and make decisions together is crucial. Below are several strategies couples can use to foster positive financial communication:

• Create an open environment: It’s important to create an environment where you and your partner can talk about finances openly. If you’ve been avoiding financial conversations or if the topic has led to arguments in the past, it’s time to take a step back and reframe your approach. Foster openness and trust by allowing conversations to happen and respecting your partner’s boundaries and emotions around money conversations.

• Schedule money dates: Try setting aside specific times to discuss your finances rather than waiting for an urgent issue to arise. Scheduling “money dates” can be a game-changer. These should not be stressful or adversarial meetings, but rather moments where you approach the conversation as a team. Consider making it a positive experience by doing something fun after the discussion like grabbing ice cream or playing a board game so money isn’t associated with negative feelings or anxiety.

Explore your money story: For many, the shame around discussing money runs deep. There can be guilt associated with credit card debt or feelings of inadequacy because one partner makes more than the other. To move beyond these barriers, it’s important to first explore where these feelings stem from by exploring your money story. Are these emotions tied to previous financial mistakes, a fear of being judged, or perhaps feeling like you’re not doing enough? By understanding the root of your discomfort, you can communicate your emotions more clearly and with less fear of rejection.

Practicing Egalitarian Financial Management

It’s crucial that both partners feel they have an equal voice in a couple’s financial decision-making. Egalitarian practices often foster a sense of balance when both individuals have an equal say in how money is handled. One of the best ways to ensure equality is through a “yours, mine, and ours” approach. By creating three categories (one for partner A, one for partner B, and one for shared expenses or mutual goals), couples can respect their individuality while still working toward common financial goals. This method not only helps ensure fairness but also gives both partners the freedom to spend on their interests without judgment.

Additionally, establishing financial structures that reflect shared values can help couples avoid conflict. For example, if one partner values financial security while the other values adventure and travel, instead of over-compromising, the couple can come up with a plan that respects both values. The key is to understand what needs are being met by each financial decision and balance them in a way that honors both people.

Moving Forward With Trust

Financial discussions don’t have to be uncomfortable or divisive. By creating space for open dialogue, understanding each other’s financial histories and values, and developing shared goals, couples can create financial intimacy that supports their long-term happiness.

It’s also important to remember that many couples face similar struggles with money. You’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed or uncomfortable with these discussions. By acknowledging the importance of financial conversations and building intentional structures around them, you’re taking an important step toward a stronger, more connected partnership.