Healing Negative Thought Patterns Around Money
Money isn’t just about numbers — it’s about feelings, beliefs, and the stories we tell ourselves. Beyond Finance’s own financial therapists Dr. Erika Rasure and Nathan Astle share insights that can help us heal our relationship with money.
Why Thoughts Matter
“Debt, money — these are inherently emotional experiences. It’s never just about the numbers,” Astle explained. He points to something psychologists call the cognitive triangle: our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all connected. Remember: Negative thought patterns don’t just cloud our mood — they shape the decisions we make, and ultimately how our lives unfold.
Dr. Rasure agrees: “Everybody is subject to feeling like we are a prisoner of our own thoughts sometimes.” When our thoughts tend towards the negative, it’s easy to spiral into further negativity. Positivity can create momentum and by the same token, negativity can invite more of the same if we don’t pause to notice and redirect it.
Observing Instead of Absorbing
One of the first tools in breaking these patterns is simply awareness. Astle offered a simple analogy:
“The difference between identifying a thought and just observing a thought is like being in traffic versus watching traffic. When you’re in the car, you have to follow it. But when you’re just watching, you can let the cars pass by. Thoughts are the same way.”
In other words: not every thought is true, and not every thought deserves to stay. A negative thought might pop into your head, but you can choose whether you indulge it, or recognize it as just a thought (not a fact), and let it float by.
Asking: “Is This Useful? Is This True?”
Dr. Rasure encouraged us to examine our thoughts through two lenses — usefulness and truth. Some of our most stubborn money beliefs — I’ll never have enough, I’m not good with money — often come from childhood conditioning or outside voices, not from reality.
“What is true for someone else might not truly be true for you,” she reminds us. Untangling which beliefs are ours and which belong to others is an important part of healing.
Common “Thinking Traps” Around Money
Astle outlined several cognitive distortions — mental habits that can keep us stuck — to be aware of:
- Black-and-white thinking: I’ll always be bad with money.
- “Should” statements: I should have done this differently.
- Catastrophizing: jumping to the worst-case scenario when the evidence doesn’t support it.
- Minimizing positives: dismissing progress instead of celebrating small wins.
“Every good choice is a good choice and it matters and counts,” Astle stressed.
Bringing Compassion and Curiosity
Be careful not to shame yourself for having negative thoughts. Astle suggests to instead remember the “two Cs”:
- Compassion — really be gentle with yourself as you unlearn old patterns of thinking. This stuff takes work and won’t happen overnight.
- Curiosity — instead of judging your thoughts, ask: Why am I thinking this? Where did this belief come from?
This mindset helps us move from criticism to understanding.
Putting Thoughts on Trial
One practical tool Astle recommends is “putting your thoughts on trial.” When a thought feels heavy, imagine presenting it in court:
- What evidence supports it?
- What evidence contradicts it?
- Is it the whole truth — or just a distortion?
Asking these questions can bring us back into reality and help reveal these thoughts for what they are — just thoughts; not facts.
Stay Mindful & Attentive
Dr. Rasure reminds us that this is ongoing work: “It’s definitely something that requires a lot of mindfulness and attention.” Healing isn’t linear. Some days will feel easier than others, but with practice, the patterns shift.
As Astle concludes:
“Not all thoughts are true, and not every thought needs to stick around — especially when those thoughts are making judgments about you or your money.”
You’re not your credit score. You’re not your mistakes. You’re a human being on a journey, and every step forward counts.