Intergenerational Money Stories: How Our Families Shape Our Financial Lives
The beliefs, habits, and emotions we carry about money are often shaped long before we realize it.
According to Beyond Finances Financial Therapists Dr. Erika Rasure and Nathan Astle, most of us have absorbed the foundations of our money beliefs by the age of nine. That means the way we earn, spend, save, or even stress about money often has roots in generations before us.
In this article, Dr. Rasure and Astle help us explore what it means to uncover these “intergenerational money stories” and how doing so can help us heal, grow, and make intentional financial choices today.
The Money Messages We Inherit
The first thing Astle encourages us to do is pause and reflect:
“What were some of the first messages you received around money? What do you remember your parents or guardians saying or doing?”
Maybe you heard, “We can’t afford that.” Maybe you saw parents fighting about money. Maybe you noticed family members quietly worrying, hoarding, or spending with abandon. These moments — spoken or unspoken — leave lasting impressions.
Astle explains that our financial lives are a “chain of experiences,” connecting us to parents, grandparents, and even earlier generations. For example, his grandparents’ survival of the Great Depression instilled in them a belief that the world wasn’t safe, so money and possessions had to be held onto tightly. That mindset shaped the way his mother was raised, and eventually influenced his own outlook on money.
Noticing the Patterns in Your Story
Dr. Rasure shared her own memory of visiting her grandmother’s house as a child. Her grandmother gave her a nightgown but whispered, “Don’t tell Grandpa I bought this.” That secrecy planted seeds of confusion — and over time, revealed patterns.
Both her mother and grandmother, she realized, tended to collect items and hold onto them for years. While Dr. Rasure rejected the clutter, she noticed she carried forward a different habit: overspending. Shopping brought joy and excitement, just as she had observed in her family.
She reflects: “It wasn’t until I started looking back at my earliest money memories that I could explain some of my adult behavior. I don’t blame my mom or grandma — but I use those stories as a starting point to learn, grow, and extend compassion to them and myself.”
Moving From Shame to Understanding
Dr. Rasure and Astle share an important and powerful reminder that money habits happen in context. It’s easy to slip into shame: “I’m bad with money. I should know better.” But as Astle points out, none of us are operating in isolation. Instead, our behaviors are shaped by family, culture, history, and circumstances beyond our control.
Dr. Rasure adds that part of the healing process is separating accountability from blame. Yes, we’re responsible for the choices we make. But we don’t need to carry the weight of systemic issues, family legacies, or life crises (like illness, job loss, or divorce) as personal failings.
What Do You Want to Keep — and What Needs Pruning?
Astle offers a question for each of us to ponder:
“What are the things I want to keep, and what are the things that need pruning in my family tree — especially when it comes to money?”
Maybe you inherited resilience, generosity, or discipline. Maybe you also inherited scarcity thinking, secrecy, or anxiety. Naming these patterns allows you to consciously choose what to protect and what to release.
Healing doesn’t always mean forgiveness, but it often involves compassion — recognizing that our families did the best they could with what they had.
Uncovering your intergenerational money story isn’t always comfortable, but it can be really freeing. It helps explain why you think and act the way you do, and gives you a path forward.
Astle leaves us with a word of encouragement:
“Every good choice is a good choice. Breaking these patterns and reshaping how we think about money takes intentional work, but it counts. It all counts.”
It’s important to explore our money stories with honesty and compassion. This way, we can move from shame to understanding, and from inherited habits to intentional choices.
✨ Reflection Prompt: What’s one money message about money you remember from your childhood? Does it still influence how you think about money today?