Self-Distrust: The Quiet Barrier to Financial Wellness

ByNathan Astle

This article was originally published in Psychology Today on July 18, 2025. Nathan Astle is a monthly contributor to Psychology Today.

When we talk about financial health, we often focus on practical things like budgeting, income, debt payoff, and savings goals. But beyond the spreadsheets and advice columns lies an insidious undercurrent that often gets overlooked: self-distrust.

In my work as a financial therapist, I’ve seen time and time again how deeply people struggle to trust themselves with money. Not because they lack intelligence or willpower, but because they carry the weight of past mistakes, shame, and uncertainty in a system that rarely allows for second chances.

The Root of Distrust

Most of us weren’t taught how to manage money. In fact, research shows that 80 percent of Americans have never received any financial education. That means that the majority of us are expected to navigate a complex financial system on our own.

When people make mistakes like missing payments, incurring high-interest debt, or overspending, guilt often follows. While guilt can be constructive and serve as a signal that change is needed, it becomes harmful when the guilt turns to shame. When shame takes over, we begin to feel that we are our financial mistakes, rather than realizing we simply made a financial mistake. Once that shame spiral begins, self-distrust can follow.

When someone begins to see their choices as a reflection of their worth or character, it doesn’t just impact their wallet. It becomes their identity.

The Reinforcement Loop of Self-Distrust

Financial mistakes don’t happen in a vacuum—they result from stress, pressure, and often not having all the information we need to make smart choices. When we’re not met with compassion—whether from ourselves, others, or society—it’s easy to internalize harmful narratives, like “I can’t be trusted to make healthy financial decisions.”

Over time, these thoughts become personal beliefs. And these beliefs shape our behavior. We delay decisions, avoid looking at our bank accounts, and even seek advice from “gurus” who promote rigid, black-and-white thinking about the “right” way to manage money. When that one “right” way doesn’t fit our life or values, the cycle of self-distrust kicks back in.

Breaking the Cycle: Practical Ways to Rebuild Self-Trust

Healing your relationship with money starts with acknowledging the full picture. That means making room for gray areas when it comes to finances.

Here are a few ways to begin rebuilding self-trust:

  • Look for exceptions: If your brain is telling you, “I always mess up,” try to identify a time when that wasn’t true. Have there been moments when you saved consistently or made a thoughtful financial decision? These wins are often easy to overlook but are crucial for building a new narrative.
  • Explore your environment: Reflect on moments where you felt financially grounded. What emotions were present? What life circumstances were you navigating at the time? Paying attention to the context around those experiences can help you begin to separate your financial behaviors from your identity.
  • Redefine what trust means: Trusting yourself doesn’t mean you’ll always get it right. It means believing that you can learn and adapt. Mistakes don’t disqualify you from making good decisions in the future. They’re part of the learning curve.
  • Build financial literacy through trusted sources: Start with reputable, unbiased sources like Investopedia, FINRA, or local library programs. Be wary of content that promotes shame, rigid rules, or one-size-fits-all solutions. If something feels judgmental or overly simplistic, it may not be the resource you need.
  • Talk to someone you trust: Self-distrust and shame grow in isolation. Before making big financial decisions, talk it through with a trusted friend or partner, especially someone who will offer honest feedback and push back in a supportive way.

We live in a culture where financial mistakes are heavily penalized but rarely discussed. There’s little room for forgiveness, and even less room for nuance. That silence reinforces shame and keeps us trapped.

Having some degree of distrust isn’t a flaw. It’s often a signal that something hasn’t felt safe, that you’ve tried your best without having the right tools, or that you’ve internalized unhelpful cultural messages. Rebuilding trust with yourself is a slow and deeply personal process. By starting with self-compassion over perfection, you can begin working toward lasting financial wellness.