Holiday Spending: How To Be More Intentional
It’s pretty universally agreed upon that the holidays can be stressful, and let’s face it: that’s in large part because of the pressures to spend. Hosting, decorating, gift-giving … we’re all aware of how much that can add up.
But in a recent client Financial Wellness Session, our financial therapists Dr. Erika Rasure and Nathan Astle shared some important insights about how we can turn this time into one focused on values and well-being.
Dr. Rasure points to the fact that these are timely discussions:
“This is the time of year where we can start inviting friends and family to start having meaningful conversations about our holiday spending expectations — ideally before the big shopping rush begins!”
These types of conversations aren’t about being restrictive — instead, they aim to protect your emotional and financial well-being.
“They help set boundaries around spending and this can reduce that stress, that guilt, and even that disappointment. This shared sense of coming into the holiday season with this idea of presence over presents.”
Read on to explore the rest of our experts’ enlightening wisdom from this recent session.
Why Plan Ahead? The Power of Being Intentional
Nathan Astle emphasized why these conversations matter before the decorations go up:
“We want this next season to be one that you feel good about… something you are choosing rather than being swept away in the cultural expectations or the emotions of the moment.”
The goal isn’t to spend more or less — it’s to spend on purpose:
“Holiday spending tends to be bigger… that’s not good, that’s not bad… but it is something we get to choose.”
And for those in debt, being honest about holiday spending needs can feel scary or shameful.
“A lot of folks are ashamed or scared to talk about what’s going on in their financial life, and unfortunately that leads to a lot of people feeling isolated and alone.”
According to Astle, talking about it, even in small ways, can open the door to connection:
“Whatever you decide to do, do it on purpose.”
Where Tradition Meets Intention
In relationships, habits can become invisible scripts — especially around the holidays. Dr. Rasure said that we tend to give gifts out of either habit or a sense of obligation (not real meaning):
“If these habits are left unchecked, this can unfortunately lead to resentment instead of connection.”
She shared one of her own personal experiences:
“I just remember calling up my brother one day and I said, ‘I don’t like how we do this anymore.’ It didn’t feel like our Christmas tradition had any personality so we ended up settling on creating our own holiday.”
They dubbed it “Birth-Mas,” and the tradition now consists of an annual concert. Incidentally, the new tradition has proved to provide more meaning and fulfillment than the gift-giving ever did.
“It creates real room to breathe around spending so when the holidays roll around, it’s one less thing we have to worry about.”
This intentional shift led to a reminder for everyone:
“Setting seasonal financial values can help optimize both your financial and your emotional wellbeing.”
Choosing What Matters: Values Over Stuff
Astle encouraged everyone to begin with a simple question:
“What’s actually most important for you in this next season? Can you figure out if you’re living in a way that’s aligned with those values?”
Once you land on what matters (what really matters), the conversations become a lot easier. And there are ways to frame your choices in a bright light:
“I’m so proud of myself that I’m achieving some financial goals… I’m working toward improving my financial health… so I’m hoping this year we can do something a little different.”
This approach does two important things:
- It reinforces your progress.
- It removes shame from the conversation.
As Astle added:
“Getting out of debt is an amazing goal that we can feel proud of.”
He also reminded listeners that other people may welcome simpler traditions too:
“Taking the pressure off of us often takes the pressure off of them as well.”
And there are countless ways to celebrate without overspending:
“A white elephant gift from something already in your house… something homemade… a potluck instead of honey baked ham… experiences… coupon books like when you were five!”
Saying ‘No’ Is an Act of Care
Dr. Rasure highlighted a key insight:
“When you give yourself permission to say ‘no,’ you are, in a lot of ways, giving other people permission to say ‘no.’”
Events, group gifts, showers, dinners, expectations — the pressure adds up fast.
“Saying yes out of obligation is an emotional and often financial burden you don’t need to carry.”
Instead, she reframed boundary setting as self-care:
“Saying no is such an act of emotional and financial self-care. No one cares about your money as much as you do.”
And sometimes, you will be the one who has to initiate the change.
“You’re going to have to say, ‘This is the change I need to make before change on a grander scale can happen.’”
The General Emotional Weight of the Season
Aside from spending and any other expectations, holidays can often stir up uncomfortable emotions.
“For a lot of people, the holidays are a season of nostalgia, and not always the best kind.”
Grief, loneliness, stress, and old memories can all drive emotional spending.
“It’s not uncommon to buy things because we feel lonely or pressured or stressed out.”
That’s why Dr. Rasure encourages a moment of pause:
“Before you spend, seek to connect with yourself first… take a moment to rest and ground yourself.”
And remember that simple actions count:
“Walking out of the store… closing down the Amazon app for a couple days… turning your phone on vibrate. All of those things are OK.”
She closed the session with a reminder that should echo long after the season ends:
“There is not one right way to do the holiday season, but there is a way where you can bring awareness to it and hopefully bring a little more joy and peace.”
Finding Peace This Season
Ultimately, the holidays really don’t have to feel rushed, pressured, or financially overwhelming. They can be peaceful, intentional, and connective — as long as we choose for that.
And as Astle said so well:
“We want this next season to be one you feel good about.”